Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Little Known History of Germans in Space.

In response to a dear friends article on World Ice Theory linked here : http://tinyurl.com/yj5ujph I wrote the following, before I read his lovely article, in response to the words "Nazi's in space."
I’m just extrapolating from what you’ve given me, but I presume you’re talking about the incident in which Fredrick II of Prussia, A.K.A. Frederick the great formed what could be called a forerunner to NASA, until it was co-opted by Catherine the Great of Russia in her autumn years in what would become the Russian cosmonaut program. Prussia and Russia, ostensibly fighting over which country had the best name, the two being so similar, had a massive and long ongoing space race. This finally culminated in Germany secretly commissioning the French Montgolfier brothers to create the first workable Hot Air Balloon.
However Frederick II was on his deathbed, and his son, Wilhelm, took over the throne on August 6th. Wilhelm wasn’t nearly as interested in reaching the moon, fearing the great and powerful Lunarian Empire, so he stopped all work on German aerospace work. However the Montgolfier brothers had been paid off, so they got a pair of Frenchmen, de Rozier and d’Arlandes, to fly the balloon on Nov 21, 1783.
After the first attempt was a success little else was done on air and space until Hitler found the secret Receipts in a lockbox under the Louvre whilst personally raiding it. Seeing it as a sign to continue past German success, he promptly patted himself on the back for invading Paris, and ordered to have people strapped to rockets until someone reached the moon (at that time the word “Rocket” meaning a small rock fired from a large tank). When someone pointed out that that wouldn’t work very well, and besides the insurance agency was having a fit, he changed tact and set his party to secretly find a more practical way. Eventually the nazi scientists, under the cover of working on an atomic bomb, found a way. Wernher von Braun developed what we now call “warp technology” with the invention of his ‘Star Gate’, or in English: ‘Star Gate.’
Using this technology, the Nazi’s invaded the sea of tranquillity. Only to be fought back by lunar emperor Zanuck XVI, a great and powerful tactician, who, much like the Russians, used the Germans unsuitability to the local climate against them, and would often stomp around in front of a troop going “nah nah nah nah, you cant breath.” The Nazis soon invented space suits, and returned in full force. German tanks and Lunarian space weasels fought for months on end, as many as 60% casualties on either side, thousands died. Back on earth Hitler was experiencing difficulty, the British and American troops stormed Normandy on D-Day whilst in turn Russia never had let up the fight.
Fighting a war on three fronts proved to be too much for the fuher, and he promptly shot himself inside a Berlin bunker. Soon the German bases in the sea of tranquillity had been captured, and the war against Germany was over. To this day there are Lunarians with blond head tentacles and blue eyespots in certain areas of the moon where it is said they interbred in horrible genetic experiments, and if one looks closely enough, a swastika can be seen in the middle of the crater where the Nazis had first opened up their portal.

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